December Updates: Eventually We Return To Ourselves Again
Hello from the year 2023. It's me, Amelia. I hope you're doing well and feeling loved.
Happy new year, friends.
Every New Year’s Day, I feel heavy with grief. I’m not yet ready to say goodbye and not yet ready to say hello. I’m stuck in between two years and neither feels comfortable. I came across a reel on Instagram that summed up this feeling. On Christmas Day: dancing, hands waving in the air. After Christmas: sitting solemnly, wearing only underwear, staring into space. On New Year’s Eve: back to hands in the air. On New Year’s Day: back to sitting solemnly in only underwear. This is me. This is my pattern. And maybe it’s also your pattern. In past years, I’ve woken up hungover, slept in, gone for a walk or hike, lazed around, thought nothing much of sadness. This year, without alcohol in the equation, I didn’t have anything immediate to blame for my dip. Rather than forcing myself out of it, I sat in this liminal space. I let the grief pass through me. I processed the weight of a whole year. I didn’t pretend I wasn’t feeling anything. I let it stir. I stirred. I drank water. I walked a big loop around the neighborhood with Kona and Steve. I read a book. And I didn’t do much else. And that? That was enough for the first day of the year.
As for you, I hope your fresh start has included peace, love, joy, and not too much pressure to make resolutions. I’ve seen a lot of in/out lists on social media over the past week, and I think I like this exercise in place of resolutions. Of course I love making lists. But I also love that these lists foster a transition from old into new without the obligation to completely change ourselves, give ourselves a makeover. Because, after all, we are the same person in 2023 as we were in 2022, a person who is enough in our current form. Anyway, here’s my little in/out list:
in
Anything blue
Elegance
Using DSLR over my phone
Climbing for fun
Sauna time
AM stretching
Vitamin D
Writing without withholding
Experimental sewing + fashion
Saying what I really mean
Acupuncture
Planning less
out
Toxic substances + relationships
Worrying what people think of my choices
Clothes that don’t make me feel good
Being constantly available
Spending money on trends
Scrolling
Comparing
Judging
Overplanning
Like with anything I put down on paper, my mind will inevitably change. I’m excited to add to these lists as the year unfolds. What about you? What are you putting on your lists?
With love,
Amelia
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Monthly Favorites
Reading: Body Work by Melissa Febos (less of a craft book than a behind-the-scenes peek at her memoir); Animal by Lisa Toddeo (tore through this in 3 days it was so riveting); and Tribe by Sebastian Junger (as part of a book club)
Watching: Harry & Meghan. Despite the criticisms of this Netflix docuseries, I was actually fascinated by the perspectives on media, fame, and privacy. I had never cared about the royal family until now. Also now a huge Meghan fan
Wearing: I took some time to document my five favorite winter outfits—an exercise I highly recommend if you’re struggling to define your personal style
Subscribing: Is It Beauty? Or Coerced Modification? This interview in the
is going to stick with me for a long, long timeSipping: This non-alcoholic Italian spritz spirit tastes even better than the real thing, I swear
Listening: My 2022 wrapped playlist, for those who care
Making: This cozy wrap shirt and hopefully these next few projects
Indulging: My friend made us a delightfully decadent cookie box and the NYT has a guide for treating your friends, in case you want to do the same
December Updates: Eventually We Return To Ourselves Again
As usual, love everything about this and find it so relatable ❤️ I have the opposite feeling at new year, I’m always energized by what may lie ahead and love the tradition of reflecting on the past and checking in with myself and how I want to live...I love the in/out list as a way of doing that without criticizing our past selves. I am starting the year trying to reset habits that I don’t feel like I have consciously chosen for myself (watching a lot of tv, drinking, eating habits like lots of sugar), it feels refreshing and challenging and it’s getting me to think more deliberately about how I spend my time. I’m definitely going to look at my 5 favorite outfits from the season :) that sounds like fun ☺️ and same, huge Meghan fan...highly recommend her podcast episode with Serena Williams. Thank you for such a lovely read to start the day!