Hanging On By A Dang Thread

And making up work for myself when there is none

May 04, 2024

This time last Friday I was in Todos Santos having dinner on a mountaintop, watching the sunset over the Pacific. Today I have a smoker’s cough leftover from a weird flu and a weekend of yard work ahead. Oh how quickly things can change. Oh how social media shows but one side. Oh how I wish I was still in Baja.

Mexico was a lovely time and I’m unbelievably grateful for my experiences there, but I’d be fibbing if I said that this spring has been easy. The pileup of work after a week of vacation and then a week of feeling like crap feels insurmountable. And it’s not the work on my desk that’s weighing me down, but the work that hasn’t even been assigned yet that makes my stomach churn.

Journalism is in a dire state right now, and us freelancers are struggling to cobble together work. I meet monthly and text daily with two of my friends who also happen to be journalists—we met on a press trip last fall—to workshop fresh pitches and reframe rejected pitches and brainstorm new publications to pitch. With their help, I’ve submitted the best ideas I’ve ever submitted in my decade of being a journalist. Stories about Scandinavian sheep semen and a new via ferrata in New York and the gear brands attempting circularity and bats as harbingers of more pandemics and craftsmen turning driftwood into furniture in Panama. Really compelling stuff that I finally have the chops to report and bandwidth to chase. Stuff I want to tell you more about. But nothing is getting picked up.

I don’t know how I’d be dealing with the constant rejection and straight up ghosting if I didn’t see my immensely accomplished friends going through the same thing. I’d probably be thinking it was a reflection of my skill, that my ideas were bad. I’d feel even more like I was failing. Despite being discouraged and down on our luck, we keep trying. Because if we don’t, we have to find new jobs. Journalists outside our tripod are considering leaving the industry, if they haven’t already. Many of my friends and former editors have jumped ship.

As journalist Sonia Weiser on Twitter puts it, "we’ve entered the age of factory-outlet journalism—low quality, cheaply made, mass produced, full of holes, yet sold under the same high-end label.”

Publications are cutting their staffs and shrinking their budgets, catering to AI and Google and algorithms that support capitalism, because they feel like they have to otherwise they’d go out of business. And they probably would go out of business. The remaining barebones staff thus has less capacity to respond to freelancers and take on stories and then edit those stories. They have to be really picky about what they accept, and they have to reject really strong ideas. In case you haven’t noticed, e-commerce and affiliate links rule the internet these days.

The freelance landscape has changed a lot over the past year. I’ve stalled out on the freelancing e-book I was hoping to publish because I’m not even sure the information is relevant anymore. I don’t feel successful so who am I to share any advice? Plus, I don’t have energy for extra writing when I’m investing so much time in pre-reporting to make my pitches stand out, make at least one head turn. I’m writing this newsletter from a place of real anxiety, and I don’t want a book to reflect the same. Though I guess it’d be honest, just not very helpful.

A week on the beach did not bring me new perspective or motivation. But does it ever, even when it’s purely vacation? Maybe weeding this weekend will.

You know where to find me.

Introducing STUDIO VISITS

Spoiler alert: The first feature is abstract painter Brenna Hodges <3

Starting this month, I’m publishing interviews with artists of all identities working in all kinds of mediums who live right here in Portland. I’ve teamed up with my friend Lauren Beane, who will be photographing them in their studios. We’ll be talking about creative processes, monetizing art, making space for creating, and more. This series will continue through the rest of the year with a new artist featured every month. The first one goes out in a few weeks!!! Subscribe so you don’t miss it and tell your friends because it’s gonna be quality.

May Mood

Monthly Shareables

Reading: My writing partner, Paris Whitfield, who’s incarcerated in New York, published this piece they’ve been working on about exploitative court-ordered fees. And if you want to read more journalism by incarcerated writers, sign up for the monthly newsletter I help curate for Empowerment Avenue.

Listening:

Cody Cook-Parrott

’s writing playlist