July Updates: Oops, I Said The 'B' Word
The word is burnout. Plus, birthday berries, blue sky, beach, and Barbie.
Hellooooo.
It’s been a while. I’ve missed you. And I’ve also desperately needed the space to unwind and re-center. After all my travels and commitments through May and June, I was feeling totally fried. I rolled up to my 30th birthday in early July dazed and frazzled, as if I stared at the sun too long, which maybe I did. Burnout, baby.
July was a long, lovely month of turning inward. I spent my birthday picking berries and laying on the beach with some friends. We went to Sauvie Island and plucked supple blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries from the vine, filling our cartons and our bellies with sugary delights. Our fingers and the soles of our shoes stained red, but we washed out the berry blood in the river. The last few years, I’ve celebrated my birthday small. It felt nice to make plans and gather friends. My aunt and uncle were even in town and stopped by. And with only a few hours left in the day, Steve shared the most beautiful edit of my faraway friends wishing me happy birthday by video. Y’all made me cry so hard. I love you.
Then I cleared the next few weekends of commitments. Running on very little rest, I was on the brink of a meltdown and could feel myself tipping over the edge. I knew that the only way I would recover was by not knowing what time it was for a couple days. I didn’t want to be tied to a schedule. I didn’t want to be tied to my phone. I slept in without an alarm. I sewed a few things. I returned to the beach. I cleaned the house. I napped. I rekindled my journaling practice for the first time in years. I read books. I read a book that is changing my life. I logged off Instagram. I let myself sink into the couch and stare at the walls. I hung new art. I wore pink to Barbie opening night. I wore red lipstick. I danced at a concert. I danced at a wedding. I repotted a plant. I made lots of salads. I learned to use my Minolta film camera. I kept the curtains wide open so I could see the world but not be directly in the world.
I’m feeling more grounded after this month, but not completely 100% yet. Part of the lingering uneasiness is because I’m reading The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron (a book rec from my friend, Emma), which is completely blowing my mind. Aron, a psychologist and researcher, defines an HSP as someone more aware of physical, emotional, and social stimuli, and because of that, someone who gets aroused easily and needs to care for themself differently than other people. In the self assessment form at the front of the book, out of the 23 signs I might be an HSP, I marked 20. All but “sensitive to pain” and “avoids violent movies and TV shows” (I love the Sopranos and Narcos) and “avoids upsetting or overwhelming situations” (I am a journalist, after all). My whole life is finally making sense. This is one of those books I’ll probably read every year for new insights. It’s teaching me how to tend to my needs better and heal parts of myself that were ignored or neglected. Of course I’m taking notes and planning a future post on my reflections for subscribers. In the meantime, I’m curious:
That was a lot to catch up on! Thank you for being here, for reading, for supporting me, for showing up. And a hello and big welcome to the new subscribers. I’m so grateful to share my life with more than 700 of you.
From my little corner of the world,
Coming soon: In two weeks, all subscribers will get the first post of a new design-centric series I’m calling Things I Like—three things that are either on my wishlist, already in my home, or just giving me good vibes. Can’t wait to hear what you think of it.
Latest Stories
For Outside Magazine, I wrote a sweet little essay about how my dog, Kona, makes me feel safe and motivates me to keep running. We adopted her only a few months after I had an unsettling encounter on a trail run, and her enthusiastic presence helped me heal.
A guide for getting started with kiteboarding/kitesurfing, published by Men’s Journal. This was a fun one to write because I met up with Sensi Graves, who I featured on HHC in 2021, for a little crash course (literally) in Hood River.
I have another small essay about sewing coming out in Trails Magazine’s third issue, which you can subscribe to here because it’s print only. For $60, you get four stunning issues packed with reliable journalism. Support indie, y’all.
August Mood
Monthly Curiosities
Reading: The HSP (as mentioned above); Dog Hearted, a book of essays about dogs that I picked up in London; this interview with my pal Latria Graham, a brilliant writer documenting race and culture; this post by
about the trap of “comparing our insides to other people’s outsides”Watching: Can't stop checking in on the volcano erupting in Iceland; The Bear on Hulu is beautiful and worth every stressful scene; saw Oppenheimer and Barbie on opening night and have many thoughts on both films if you’d like to discuss
Buying: Linen gauze yardage from Elizabeth Suzann, this fun Baggu lunch bag, strappy black Mary Jane flats from Vagabond, a print from Anna Brones (her shop opens again in early September), and this lovely zine from a Portland illustrator
Listening: Ugh I’m so bored of my music, send me recs, but this song is a bop
Making: Recent sews include the Jesse Tee, Riley Tank, these lounge culottes, and four big dinner napkins out of scrap gingham cotton (pictured above)
Devouring: The recipes in Cook This Book by Molly Baz
Brainstorming: I hosted a little gathering of freelance media people in Portland. Hopefully I have the bandwidth for another one in August or September. I’m calling this little meetup Press Club. And I’m also scheming a few ways to bring it online for my faraway freelance friends who have expressed interest. Stay tuned.