Filling The Void—Or Drawing From It
Filling The Void—Or Drawing From It
How to take care of that emptiness inside you
Hey you.
Maybe it was the dead grass and 100 degree days1, but I felt sluggish this month. I simply longed for summer to be over, done with. But I’ve always been a summer girl, and summer girlies aren’t supposed to wish summer away.
In my slump2, I spent quite a lot of this month feeling like something was missing, like there’s a big hole in the center of my world. Nothing seemed to fill it. Not food, not scrolling, not books, not affirmation and validation, not spending money, not even love. Steve and I talked about how maybe the hole doesn’t ever go away. How maybe we just have to accept that it’s there. Instead of trying to cover it up, we decided, we must learn to live with it and nurture it3. Okay, fine.
That felt like an acceptable answer until in a meditation class, I was enlightened with a new interpretation of the voids in our lives. The instructor lovingly and gently said something about drawing from the deep wells within us, as if she was speaking directly to my soul. As if she heard me in my searching. The big hole in the center of my world, the emptiness that I can’t stop thinking about came to mind. How could it not. Instead of approaching the edges like we’re going to fall in, or worse, get sucked in, what if we confront the pit with curiosity? What can we learn from the unknown? What does the abyss have to teach us? Lots, I think.
I’m doing fine. Just fine. And I hope you are too. May you draw from your void rather than try to fill it. May you approach it with curiosity instead of mistrust.
With love,
Coming soon: In two weeks, I’m opening up a thread for all subscribers so you can ask me questions about freelancing that I’ll answer in my freelancing e-book! Aiming for a late fall or early winter release date, so stay tuned.
Latest Stories
My feature on Glerups, the gorgeous Scandinavian slippers brand, is finally live! Earlier this summer, I spent a few days in Denmark at the headquarters getting to know the company and its founder. This was a dream opportunity.
My story about the Paradise Paradox is in the latest Women’s Health print edition (the one with Jill Biden on the cover). Grab it at the grocery store if you happen to see it. Or you can read it online here.
10 NYC-Based Outdoor Brands You Should Know, including Hikerkind, William Ellery, Ita Leisure, and Outlandish (Field Mag)
This month for paying subscribers, I wrote a flash essay about what it feels like to be 30 (like ketchup stuck in a bottle lol) and how my first roll of 35mm film turned out (featuring photos not posted to Instagram).
September Mood
Monthly Curiosities
Reading: Bluets by Maggie Nelson, God’s literary gift to this earth. This raw Have Has Had piece, Barbie at the Bottom of the Sea, by a Portland writer. South and West by Joan Didion. Susan Sontag’s essays ‘On Camp’ and ‘One Culture and the New Sensibility.’ And Monsters: A Fan’s Dilemma by Claire Dederer.
Listening: We saw BadBadNotGood and Gregory Alan Isakov live in Portland, so I’ve been listening to each of their discographies. I also discovered Cereal Magazine’s playlists, and this one from spring has been on repeat.
Learning: My therapist introduced me to Tara Brach, a psychologist and meditation teacher, and I’ve been incorporating her talks into my weekly routine. Pick one; you can’t go wrong. Anyone else a fan of hers?
Buying: A Pentax ME Super from eBay, kitchen linens from a Portland artist, a vintage Guess denim skirt, one yard of pale blue waffle cotton fabric from Bolt Fabric Boutique, and the Blackbird Bestie Bag sewing pattern.
Making: Finally, after years of eyeing the pattern, I finished my very own Ilford chore coat in a creamy white 9oz bull denim. Pics (and an assigned story) to come.
Feeling: This.
Or was it my return to Instagram?
Read: depression
This article was uplifting